Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Starting Again. Again.

I need to do SOMETHING about my weight. It consumes me, dictates my days and my feelings and what I do and how I think. I am not necessarily feeling terribly optimistic about trying again, but I have no choice. I feel my world getting smaller and smaller as I get larger and larger. And I hate it. 

So here are my thoughts as I start out once more. Thought just for this week. Not some big, all-encompassing, insightful and inspiring post. Just a few thoughts so I can at least get started ... 

  • I am seeing a therapist who specializes in food addictions. She has gone through this, so she gets is. She is about my age. I like her. I can talk to her. I hope this will be helpful. 
  • My goal for this week is simply to not eat any sweets. My week will be successful if I can avoid sweet things like candy, cake, cookies, etc. 
  • I am going to start reading Geneen Roth's book titled Women, God, and Food
  • I read an interesting blog / article online about a woman who started drinking 12 glasses of water a day. I know I should drink more water. I am going to try drinking eight 8 oz. glasses of water every day and see what happens. 
  • I am only going to weigh myself once a month, not once a day. The number on the scale holds far too much power over my emotions. A "bad" number ... a minuscule gain ... can ruin a day, a week, an overall effort. Once a month. That's it. I will try to focus on how I feel and how my clothes fit. 

What I wrote in January 2013

This is an old post dated January 01, 2013. I am keeping it because so much of what I wrote then is true now. Still true. It is still a struggle. 

This is where I am starting:

  • I ache when I wake up in the morning. My hips hurt. My back hurts.
  • I can't put my ankle up across my knee to put socks and/or shoes on.
  • I feel like a stuffed sausage in stadium seats.
  • Airline seat belts do not fit.
  • I can't walk up one flight of stairs at work without being totally winded.
  • I think about food all the time.
  • I think about my weight all the time.
  • My face is puffy.
  • The only reason my ankles are not puffy is because it is winter.
  • I sit a lot.
  • I move slowly.
  • My arms do not lie flat at my sides.
  • I look terrible in everything I put on.
  • My knees make noise when I walk up the stairs.
  • My winter coat does not fit.
  • I can't wear high heels.
  • My collarbones are hidden under layers of fat.
  • I avoid cameras.
  • I cannot get up off the floor gracefully.
  • Shopping is no fun. 

There are lots of other awful things about being fat, but I guess this list will do for now. 

The plan this time around is to KEEP THINGS SIMPLE. Here's the deal: 

  • Make regular journal / blog entries. They can be short. Sometimes I don't write because I feel overwhelmed with all the weight-related stuff flying around in my head. 
  • Plan my meals in a weekly overview and adjust daily.
  • Intuitive eating.
  • Go to the gym at least three times a week.
  • Drink water.
  • Weigh every day.